There’s no need to spend thousands of dollars on therapy…
or personality tests & inventories. Do you ever wonder if you’re normal? Do any of your friends seem a bit odd sometimes? Are you having a bad day (or for that matter, a bad year)? Do you sometimes feel, sad or happy, surrounded or alone, euphoric or not?
For hundreds if not thousands of years, doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, & therapists galore have tried to unravel the puzzle of human personalities. Look no further! You will find below, all you need to know about yourself & your friends.
For the first time ever in print…
The Marshmallow Roaster’s Personality Profile
You may know how I feel about marshmallows (see Marshmallows 101-March 2. Now you’ll know the rest of the story.
Step 1 – Read each of the personality descriptions below.
There are 4 basic personality types as tested by the exacting methods of the protocol:
The Softy – This roaster is easy to identify by the campfire. They’re the ones sitting quietly, patiently waiting for the flames to die down to the embers needed to roast a marshmallow to golden perfection. When the coals are ready, the Softy leisurely strolls over to the goodie table, selects a marshmallow & spears it with tender loving care. Sauntering back to the fire, they find the perfect hot spot, & lovingly rotate the fork until the marshmallow is the color of old honey. When they take the marshmallow from the fire, they may reverently gaze at their prize & take a few moments to enjoy the beauty of a job well done. They’ll encourage others to admire their accomplishment before painstakingly removing the sweet thing from the fork & slowly savoring the treat. All this may take place to a soft humming of Kumbaya.
The Double Dipper – This roaster can be confused with the Softy in that their approach to roasting is also leisurely. In fact, many believe a turtle in a cast could do the job quicker. The goal of the Double Dipper is to in fact roast the marshmallow twice. First roasting the outer layer & pulling it over the still firm center to eat. They then roast the leftover second layer until the whole thing is a warm gooey mess, consuming both parts with equal relish, sighing, smacking lips, & occasionally singing snatches of old Beach Boy tunes.
The Torch – This roaster should come with a warning! They’re the first ones in the fire…& the first ones out. Their method is simple & direct. They simply put the marshmallow in the hottest part of the fire (preferably in a large flame) & wait the required 7 seconds for it to light up. Then they leap about, wildly waving the fork or stick to put the now burned-beyond-recognition treat, out! The second it is cool enough to touch, the Torch will pop the entire marshmallow into their mouth & like as not, burn their tongue. The Torch doesn’t hum or sing alone, but will be the first up at the karaoke mike.
The Oops-a-Daisey – This poor roaster never stands a chance. They’re fine with the spearing part & even have the ability to find the sweet spot in the campfire, but they’re simply doomed the moment they sit down with the stick. They’re friendly & chatty, they may tell jokes or stories, & everyone loves having them around, but their poor marshmallow never stands a chance. It simply falls into the fire every time. To their credit, the Oops-a-Daisy never seems to mind too much. They cheerfully get another marshmallow & begin again, & again & again… Easy to identify, they’re the skinny ones around the fire. Because they are so busy talking, they don’t sing or hum at all.
There you have it. All you need to do is grab a bag of marshmallows & build a fire to discover your own marshmallow personality & that of your friends.
Me…I’m off to find that karaoke machine!!!